We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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