you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize