She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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