she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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