So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
sex in a hospital.. check
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
