Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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