Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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