He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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