i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
