so that wasnt chicken after all
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
