I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
