how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
