as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
