Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
