I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
