I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize