I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
