Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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