omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
