filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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