my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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