The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
