He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize