So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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