never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
