I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
