So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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