I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
