That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
