Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
