Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
