Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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