So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
