At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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