I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
