I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
