beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
