Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
