somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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