I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
