My room smells like vodka and shame
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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