Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I believe in your delicious
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
