Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
