i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
