Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
