"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I party with great urgency now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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