He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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