I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
