Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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