I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
