His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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