I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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