Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
