If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
