i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
