im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
