so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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