I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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