I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
