She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
