smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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