when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
