You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
