is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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