Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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