I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
