were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
