I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
