Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
