Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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