I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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