The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
