Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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