Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
