Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
