Pappa wants mamma naked
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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