I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize