apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
