I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
