dude i'm inner monologue high
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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