my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
