I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
