Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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