dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
where are my eyebrows?
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