we're blogging at a bar
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
