Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
