super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize