i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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