but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
