3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
