I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
