He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
