Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
