He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
