Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
