I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
