Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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