Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
