Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
