I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
